The Quixotic Michael H.

So, in celebration of the premiere of the third season of "Venture Bros," everybody's favorite Slackmistress has asked me to be part of a point/counterpoint sort of "debate" espousing the virtues of the ubiquitous duo, and the task of defending Dean has fallen squarely on my shoulders. Specifically, I'm supposed to make a clear-cut argument as to why Master D. Venture is not a nerd. Or at least less of one than his brother…

 

Which is no mean feat, I assure you.

 

So here goes. Let's stick with bullet points, folks:

 

 

1) Clothes Make the Man:

If you're gonna wear pajamas, by God they better be superhero themed. And if you're gonna wear superhero themed pajamas, then by God they better emulate a cool superhero, right? Now, he's never been my favorite, but Spiderman is a googolplex times cooler than Aquaman (and let's face it: Spidey could totally take down Aquaman any day of the week), so by proxy, our boy Dean is dripping in superhero sartorial cred.

But what's that you say? "What about Hank's Batman costume?" BAH! If he's not inadvertently committing suicide in it, he's ruining dates and costume contests while wearing it. Sorry, Hank, but "The Bat" you ain't.

And it takes a special kinda guy to wear a Speed Suit. I know it. You know it. God knows it. Dean is that kinda guy.

 

2) Girls LIKE Him!:

Kind of! And he likes them back!

I know Triana Orpheus might not exactly seem like she's into our boy, at least she doesn't seem to wish him any specific harm, right? Can't you just see something wonderfully awkward happening between them? I know I can. And who knows...maybe some day he'll figure out what Billy Quizboy meant by giving him the "complete package," which could help up the not-wishing-specific-harm ante quite a bit, eh?

Some surreptitious tongue-slipping to Molotov notwithstanding, Hank's luck with the ladies seems to be of the decidedly bad variety. He'll die (again) a virgin. MARK. MY. WORDS.

 

 

And finally

 

3) At least he doesn't channel "Crazy Dead People.":

Yeah, yeah. Sure he had the really involved Giant Boy Detective/Neverending Story hallucination during "Showdown at Cremation Creek Pt II," but at least he has a slightly less tenuous grasp on reality.

Mecha-Shiva really happened. I don't care WHAT the Monarch says.

 

 

In summation: if I had to put my life in the hands of one of the Ventures (*shudder*), my choice is Dean, all the way.

 

See you in HECK, Hank.

 

 

m.h.

 

So, I went to my shrink for the first time in almost a year today, because I've been more than a little terrified by things that are totally out of my control, and I needed to vent. (Details NOT available upon request)

And my guy is...unique. He's from India, but he's got one of the most american vocabularies I've ever heard. Back when I was totally freaking out, he once told me that I could question his methodology, and if I wanted to, I could even say "Dammit, DR.____!!! What are you doing on your fat ass? Can't you see I'm fucking suffering here?!" Suffice to say, it put me at ease.

Today I went in and said what I had to say and I'm getting back on the regular therapy wagon, methinks. Which is good!

And to prove how off-kilterly awesome he is, he linked me to this:

 

Dewa, matta, kids.

 

 

m.h.

 

 

p.s.-"Iron Man" better not suck.

Just checking in!

 

 

m.h.

I swear I'm NOT stoned:

 

Cute, innit she?!

 

 

 

m.h.

What's holding you back from your dream job?
Submitted by Question of the Day.

My wariness to go for the "hard sell."

Seriously. I officially came to LA to act, and while I have had a few lucky close calls, I'm still working a day job, ain't I? I lack that killer instinct to get out there and sell myself like I probably should. No, make that DEFINITELY should. Then who's to blame for the fact that I'm not a superstah? Me. *sigh*

In quasi-related news: Zachary Quinito (Sylar from "Heroes" to you and me) is coming to see "Beaverquest: The Musical" sometime soon. I gotta get a pic, man!

 

Hugs 'n' rockets,

 

m.h.

Because culture is dying and the children aren't our future:

(from the A.P.)

"LAKELAND, Fla. -- Eight teenagers have been arrested on charges alleging they beat another teen in an "animalistic attack" so they could make a videotape to post on YouTube.

Seven of them remained in juvenile detention today, authorities said. A boy who was charged as an adult had been released on bail.

Victoria Lindsay was attacked on March 30 by six teenage girls when she arrived at a friend's home, authorities said.

One of the girls struck the 16-year-old victim on the head several times and then slammed her head into a wall, knocking her unconscious, according to an arrest report.

Later, according to a clip of the video that was released by the Polk County sheriff's office, the teens can be seen blocking a door and hitting Victoria.

"It's absolutely an animalistic attack," Sheriff Grady Judd said today on NBC's "Today." "They lured her into the home for express purpose of filming the attack and posting it on the Internet."

Victoria's father, Patrick Lindsay, said the teens intended to post the video on the video-sharing Web site YouTube.

Christina Garcia, mother of one of the defendants, said her daughter had turned the tape over to police.

The sheriff's office said that after the attack, three of the teens forced the victim into a vehicle and drove her to another location, where she was told she would be given a worse beating if she contacted police.

All eight suspects were arrested April 2 and charged with battery and false imprisonment. The three teens who took Lindsay to the second location are also charged with felony kidnapping.

Lindsay was treated for a concussion, damage to her left eye and left ear, and numerous bruises, police said. "

 

 

Bread and circuses, y'all.

 

 

m.h.

And arguably, without which, I'd not be here today...

You know, in that really broad "every little thing counts" sort of way.

But anyway, chronologically they are:

 

Star Wars #34. This came out like 3 years after "A New Hope," and I got it after my dad picked me up from my kindergarten (Mary Moppet's, for those who are keeping track) at a Circle K on San Pedro. Sure, I didn't really read it, per se (although I did buy it again when I was about 14, but I didn't read it then, either), but that image of Luke stranded on that asteroid with his lighsabre drawn led me to believe that cool things resided in comic books, even if I couldn't yet appreciate them.

This also contributed to my love of comics based on liscenced properties. Cases in point:"G.I. Joe," "M.A.S.K.," and...um, "V." Yes, that "V."

 

 

 

 

 

And then, about '85 or so, DC comics started publishing a little book called "Who's Who in the DC Universe," to conicide with and serve as a bit of a guide to the charcters in their massive, universe rending crossover "Crisis on Infinite Earths." I picked up this one at a grocery store near my house (Smiths? Maybe?):

 

And OH MY F**KING GOD. To this day, this is still one of my favorite series of all time, and I have almost a complete run (believe it or not, I'm still missing the "B" issue which contains the entry for Batman, among others). Basically a compilation of headshots and bios of dozens of heroes and villains, this led my somewhat overactive childhood imagination on countless flights of fancy. This is probably also where my fondness for Green Lantern took root.

I do find it slightly amusing, though, that over the years I've read some of the stories alluded to in this book and they're not NEARLY as good as the way I imagined them...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And then it was the early 90's, and speculation ran wild and variant comic covers ruled the day (Fact: the book "Gen 13" had THIRTEEN variants of their first issue) and the market got flooded with crap. I site "Youngblood" by the dubiously talented Rob Liefelf among others. At this point, I did most of my buying at Don's Paperback Book Exchange on San Mateo, like 8 blocks from my parent's house, which is still there today...albeit with a dramatically reduced comic section. Oh well. Time and it's future-slipping, y'know? So after this glut of crap, I kind of let my love of the graphic novel fall by the wayside for a few years...

And then, in 1997, the girl I was dating at the time showed me her Dork.

Specifically, Dork #4:

 

(sadly, this is the biggest picture I could find of it)

Irreverant, crass, and dripping with fanboy self-reference and loathing, this was custom made for me. I can't recommend this highly enough. "Marathon Men," starring the Eltingville Comic-Book, Science Fiction, Horror, Fantasy & Role-Playing club will always resonate deep within my soul.

They tried to bring the glory of Eltingville to Cartoon Network, but alas, it didn't take. Probably for the best.

 

 

 

 

So there you go. A peek into my very soul, filtered through a four-color printing process.

 

Tomorrow: Grown-up stuff! Maybe!!!

 

 

m.h.

If you were independently wealthy, where in the world would you live?
Submitted by Eileen.

But "Speed Racer" looks like a chorme-plated turd.

 

Sorry, 16 year-old me.

 

 

m.

The fact that this has been reposted every week for a month at least on craigslist:

FUN WALL PICTURE - $5

---

Funny picture - Single and ready to mingle!
It's new, still in package and ready to hang - no frame needed.
$5.00 - near downtown

Or the fact that I know that it's been reposted every week for a month.

 

Dreams of a Union Station/Bradbury Bldg hybrid that was my home, complete with loading dock bedroom and bizarre, sterile trophy room on the 2nd floor. A friend suggests it means I'm living in the past...

 

m.h.